I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the day after is always just damage control
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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