im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize