I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
