She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
