Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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