If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
