i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
