I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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