I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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