I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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