OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
