her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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