just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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