before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
