He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
