So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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