Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
