Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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