Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
