TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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