Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
