please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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