During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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