you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
