I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
