If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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