I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
