you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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