Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
