I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
