Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize