i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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