he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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