I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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