A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
