She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
