she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
