girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
