I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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