If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
