Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
