I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize