i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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