You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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