i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
