Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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