Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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