well I can't set my house on fire every night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
