you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
