yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
