remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
