Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize