I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
only if we run a train.
done.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
