Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
