Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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