true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
4 words: hood of his car
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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