then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize