yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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