It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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