apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
