i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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