I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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