I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
