That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
