i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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