He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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