it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
