When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
