I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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