Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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