Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
