And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize