Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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