wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
