Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
