He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
