I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
